I'm going all out I'm gonna live this dream

"You just have to do your own thing, no matter what anyone says. It's your life.”

2010-09-23T00:16:00.000+02:00

I can’t blog when I’m happy; because I’m to busy being happy. So that’s it for now. I’m in a really good place right now; I love school; I love that I have meet new amazing friends; I love that in January I’m packing my bags and moving. I love that I’m writing this book that people really like! I love that I spent a Sunday just talking 7 hours to a friend. I love that it takes me 40 minutes to go to school. I love that I talk to my mom and sister everyday. I love that I’m taking my cousins to the movie on Friday. I love the people in my acting class; and that we are making the play Bang Bang your dead. I love that I have lost weight since I got home. I love living in Lund with my dad. I love being in school almost everyday. I love that I’m the person I’m suppose to be; loud, happy, passionate, and dramatic; and it’s okay.

Maybe we are all just the same

2010-09-18T10:59:00.003+02:00

Whatever happened to the values of humanity
Whatever happened to the fairness and equality
Instead of spreading love, we're spreading anomosity
Lack of understanding, leading us away from unity'

Every time I've done something that doesn't feel right, it's ended up not being right. ~Mario Cuom

2010-09-17T00:26:00.002+02:00

Todays acting class was just .. amazing!!! What a group of people we are. And I made a choice today, and it was for me. For me.

“Every accomplishment starts with the decision to try.”

2010-09-15T00:52:00.003+02:00

Instead of worrying about what people say of you, why not spend time trying to accomplish something they will admire.

"Take chances, make mistakes. That's how you grow. Pain nourishes your courage. You have to fail in order to practice being brave.”

2010-09-11T21:43:00.003+02:00

Today I went to my uncles wedding and I loved it. I’m so happy for him and a bit happy for me too because it was my first wedding EVER. My dad just left for Thailand and I have my sister here, we are eating candy and watching a movie. I’m not really watching the movie I’m more focused on the actors, and watching them. The course I’m taking now is making me second guessing myself. Because everybody else is so creative and so good; and I’m just me. Nothing to special I don’t really have any real talent. We did a thing where we had to stand in front of the whole class and pretend we were taking a shower, and then the teacher told us what was happening; like the water was getting hotter and colder, or ice-cream was coming out. And I was really bad at this and I got so mad at myself! So when the class ended I went out and bought myself 2 notebooks so I can start to study people. (And of course I had to by the really nice notebooks that were really expensive, but its just fun to write in nice notebooks)

So now I’m watching people more careful how they are interacting with people, how people that are in love look, how mad peoples face expressions are. And it’s interesting, and I really hope it will improve my acting. Because after that lesson I was ready to give up walk out of that door and tell the teacher that I won’t do it anymore. That means giving up, and I don’t want to do that, I want to improve.

I shall write more later: movie now with my sister.

Peace, love and not giving up

Happiness is a perfume you cannot pour on others without getting a few drops on yourself.

2010-09-10T20:41:00.002+02:00

I’m really happy right now, and to be honest with you I think it’s because I live in Lund now and I’m close to everything. It takes me 40 minutes to get to school!!!! Today I had a late class and after I was just walking around in Lund and I realised that I don’t have to worry about getting home. Lund is home now. Had a great lunch date today to, so fun! I love people that you just can talk too! School is a lot of fun as well, reading double courses were a good choice because there are so many cool people! And acting classes, we can’t forget the acting classes. Living with dad is good, even if I miss my sister and mom a lot (yeah I know I’m a geek).

The weeks are going by fast, and Mondays and Tuesdays I have dance and I have drama on Wednesdays, I hang out with friends, I read again. I’m alive. I’m alive. I’m going to focus on school, family, friends and myself this fall. I’m going to focus on feeling good and working out. And then we have to see what happened in January… its looks like I will pack my bags and go away for a while. Just 6 months, I’m not ready to start a program. It scares me. But you never know with me. Never.

Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it. - Groucho Marx

Peace, love and being happy!

Happy

2010-09-09T23:45:00.002+02:00

I'm still alive. Will write more later. Bed now. Have to take the dog out in the morning and then I have a lunch date with a cool girl.

Peace out people!

A sister by a chance a friend by a choice

2010-08-26T16:51:00.003+02:00

I miss you, I miss your laugh, I miss fighting with you I miss smiling with you. I miss being up all night talking, I miss going on walks with you. I miss you being sarcastic and being mad at me. I miss talking about dreams with you and being mad at people together. You are the one I always can count on no matter what.

You are my best friend!

Yeah this is my life! and boy do I love it

2010-08-25T22:46:00.001+02:00

Order of protection! I can’t help it; I just find this situation funny. Not funny like hahahahahaha, but funny like unreal. A lot can be said about me and my life; at least it’s not boring. I have plenty of drama in my life; someday I’m going to write a freaking book about everything that happened to me.

“Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do.”

2010-08-25T18:17:00.000+02:00

I think it’s amazing that people have the nerve to complain about how you live your life. They have the nerve to tell you what to do and what not to do. News flash; I really don’t care. If I want to do something I will do it whatever people tell me. The only once I take advice from is the people I trust, and that’s very few people. Trust is an important thing to me and something you have to learn. People always tend to tell me there life story and everything about them, and it’s nice that they trust me and they want to talk to me. But I can’t do the same way back, because trust has to be earned. To trust an other human being is a big step, because you never know what might happen, or what they really think. So really only the one person you really can trust is yourself.

Nah, I’m just kidding with you (kind of), trust is a beautiful thing, and it’s being able to let someone know you and hope that they won’t break your heart, it’s telling someone your life story and know that they won’t judge you. To trusts them to catch you when you fall and be happy for you when everything is perfect.

There is a few people I trust with my life, I trust them not to shoot me down, not do abandoned me when I act like a five year old and I trust them to tell me when I’m being stupid.

When it comes to making decisions about my life; I talk to the people I trust and I listen to what they got to say, but in the end I make the decision. Even if it’s against everything they are telling me. We need to make our own mistakes, we need to chase dreams and live our life the way we want to. I can’t be someone else even if I try. And most of all I don’t want to be someone else.

Peace, love and trust

2010-08-23T04:43:00.001+02:00

I always want other people’s adventures. Always. I try to think of ways I can do the same things, like being a “real” aupair for a year somewhere in the United States, I read this blogs about people that have this amazing adventures, go to school, find love and have the best year of there life. But… do I really want that? I just want the adventure. And then I read about someone going to Australia for one year to work and travel. Then I read about someone going to Africa to be a volunteer. And I want it all. I guess that normal. We always want more then we got.

I’m trying to get to a point here but I guess there is non. I just need to figure everything out. What I want and how to get it. What I need and why I need it. Life is really to short. And where ever I go; I'm always at the right place.

We live in a sick sick world.

2010-08-22T16:54:00.000+02:00

Yesterday a drunk neighbour pointed a shot gun at me and G (he is seven). As soon as I saw the gun I took G by his hand and we ran. A called the police and because it’s a crime I had to go down with the police to give a statement to a detective. I had the best police officer ever; he waited for me to give my statement and then drove me home. I hate guns, I really, really hate guns. And have one pointed at you is the worst feeling ever. I’m not saying he would have fired it, but it’s not the point, he pointed it at a SEVEN year old. What sick fuck does something like that?

After I got home from the police station and I got to sit down and relax and think. I realised one thing; we really only have today. This scared the hell out of me for many reasons, but like I said it really made me think.

So now I have to go to court. Woho.

Peace, love and a world without guns.

The biggest adventure you can ever take is to live the life of your dreams. - Oprah

2010-08-19T06:32:00.006+02:00

Siting outside of seven eleven monday night. the pizza guys was ready to kill me for walking late. overprotected. yep yep.

I been thinking, thinking and thinking. Believe me I have done a lot of thinking the past days… well really the past weeks. I have my future all planed out; I know what roads to take what program and University to go to and what kind of job I want.

But I don’t want it right now, I don’t feel read too start a program. I don’t feel ready to start working in three years. I want to be young, live in an other country for a while, and chase stupid dreams that will never come true. Go out and dance Friday nights, work random jobs, do volunteer work, write a book. Be young. Be 21.

And of course go back to school, when I’m still young. And I will still be done before I’m 27, with one master and two candidate degrees. That okay…I think. I just don’t know what road to take right now. Because how cliché it might sound I want to think back on my life with no regret. I want to think on my death bed; “I really did it all, I really lived my dreams”.

The heart got a mind of its own. It really dose.

And for future notice; listen to country music late at night is never a good idée. It makes you think.

Peace, love and the not knowing.

You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.

2010-08-16T03:10:00.003+02:00

I'm just trying to write the story my life, You know all about this dream I gotta chase, I get a little closer everyday, and dont worry I will be okay, Sweden is not that far away

Människans bästa vän

2010-08-14T04:43:00.003+02:00

Ain't gonna show no Weakness I'm gonna smile And tell the whole world I'm fine

2010-08-13T04:20:00.001+02:00

I have been stupid. Easy way to put it I have been really stupid. I put myself in this mess and now I have to handle it. But I will be fine, I’m always fine. And I will live. I have learned from my mistakes and now I know I won’t be coming back ever again. It’s all just plain stupid. And I’m dead tired of it. Dead tried. 21 days left until I go home, and I can’t wait. I’m really exited to live with my dad, I’m exited to start dancing with my sister, and I’m exited to start school and to take acting classes. I’m going to make the best out of the 21 days I got left. And be happy.

And I have lost 6 kilos since I got here, when I got on the scale this morning I started to cry. I’m so proud over myself. So proud. Now I just have to keep it up. Be good. Because I like being active, I like walking every day I like eating well. I don’t even crave soda any more, I don’t crave candy, today Anna brought home doughnuts and I had none.

So I want to keep this going, but this fall I’m going to take 2 dance classes a week. Great right?

Peace, love and dance

The most prolific period of pessimism comes at twenty-one, or thereabouts, when the first attempt is made to translate dreams into reality.

2010-08-08T06:33:00.002+02:00

I don’t feel good today. Not at all. My turn to get sick it hurts when I breathe. But of course I would get sick. I always get sick in New York. Been reading my old blog and picture diary and I try to remember who I was. Was that girl really me? It feels strange. Guess I will say that someday when I read this as well. I have changed; I’m not the girl I used to be. And it’s a great thing because that girl was really confused. I’m still confused but not in that way. I know who I am now. A lot of people have left my life that I thought would be there forever, but I gained friends along the way. Some I know will stay forever, and some I know will leave and it’s okay.

I’m sure I will get lost again, just wait until I’m back in school and back in the life of stress. This essay is going to kill me, but its okay. I will survive. I always do. But what I have now is myself, and a strength I never had before. I love myself and I accept myself, I know my strength and I know what I need to work on. I know I sometimes can be really immature, a bitch and just stupid. I know I want too much and I know that I need to start living in real life. I know that I change planes often, and I also know that I often during stressful times ignore my friends. Sometimes I let out to be a loner, but deep, deep inside all I want is to have friends around me. I know I can be a storyteller and when I tell a lie I feel ashamed. I also know that I take out my stress on my family, and they don’t deserve that.

But I also know I’m a good person, I’m a good friend that will always be there when they need me. I’m a good daughter even if I sometimes can be really hard to deal with. I know I’m a good sister, I know that I’m funny and that I make people laugh (even if they laugh at me). I know that I work hard to get where I am today, and I know that if I really try I can be the person I want to be.

There is so much more I know about me but really I want you guys to still like me. I’m going to work on all my bad sides, I work on it everyday. But the difference between now and then is that I accept myself even with them.

Peace and self loving (strange not-word)

When I say ‘em or do something I do it, I don’t give a damn, I’m not afraid to take a stand, Everybody come take my hand,

2010-08-07T03:51:00.007+02:00

I want to do something. Something that might be stupid. Really stupid. But it’s for me. Only me. No one else. I really hope I’m brave enough to do this. Brave enough to take a big chance. To jump without a line. And really not care about failing. It’s not the goal that count they say. But for me the goal is everything. Everything. But if I don’t reach it I will be fine. Like I always am. Fine. Step one. Step two. Step three. Step four. Step five. Step six;

♥

One; Work hard

Two; Be the best

Three; Try

Four; Never give up

Five; Try again

Six; Be true to yourself

♥

Peace, love and steps.

if you had one shot, or one opportunity, To seize everything you ever wanted-One moment, Would you capture it or just let it slip?

2010-08-02T04:23:00.003+02:00

It's been a long road,

To get from there to here.

It's been a long time, but my time is finally here.

And I can feel a change in the wind right now.

Nothing's in my way.

And they're not gonna hold me down no more.

No they're not gonna hold me down.

Cause I've got faith of the heart.

I'm going where my heart will take me.

I've got faith to believe.

I can do anything.

I've got strength of the soul.

And no one's going to bend or break me.

I can reach any star.

I've got faith, I've got faith,

Faith of the heart.

It's been a long night,

Trying to find my way.

Been thru the darkness,

Now I finally have my day.

And I will see my dream come alive at last.

I will touch the sky.

And they're not gonna hold me down no more.

No they're not gonna change my mind.

Cause I've got faith of the heart.

I'm going where my heart will take me.

I've got faith to believe. I can do anything.

I've got strength of the soul.

And no one's going to bend or break me.

I can reach any star.

I've got faith, Faith of the heart.

I know the wind's so cold,

I've seen the darkest days.

But now the winds I feel,

Are only winds of change.

I've been thru the fire,

And I've been thru the rain,

But I'll be fine.

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it

2010-08-01T14:55:00.004+02:00

GREAT CAST!!!!

I love sarcastic people, people that think they are all that, people have no fear, that don’t play by the rules and of course don’t care what other people say. Maybe not in real life they would annoy me, but in movies they are the best. That’s why I love the new Kirk so much (and it helps that he is Chris Pine and hot as h***) cuz he is all that.

My character in my “whatever it is”; is like that as well, and I love her. I totally love her. Wish I was more like that, but I’m not really sarcastic, I have fear, I mostly play by the rules, and sometimes (not often) I do care about what people say about me. So maybe just maybe my character is a reflection of who I wish I was sometimes.

That’s also the character I would like to play one day. Just be fearless. Would be so great. Hey J.J. Abrams, if you got a role for me in the new movie, I would be MORE then happy to accept. I’m a nerd, I know how to act and I would get along great with Zachary, Chris, Zoe (we would go shopping together!!!) and Karl. And me and Anton would be the best of friends! I promise you. And really Nimoy would just love me to death. So please cast me! See you soon!

Love Tanja

I'm too old for this shit

2010-07-31T15:35:00.002+02:00

I really feel like I'm too old to do this. Really to old. Last time. At least last time like this, working for nothing. I came back because I love New York. Because I love the city. Because every time I walk and breathe in the air, I feel like I belong. I know I write this all the time. But it’s true. I just need to come here really by myself, different circumstances and really be myself.

33 days until I go home and I cant wait. Hopefully it goes by really fast. But I will enjoy myself, I will. And we shall see what happens when I go home. I will live with my dad (just saw a picture of my room, you better get those boxes out before I come home), I will start my last semester in Malmö write a BIG essay (hey I’m not scared….), and most important I will just be me. I will be spending time with friends, with my family, I will have fun in school, start too really workout. I will go out dancing, going to Copenhagen and just be 21. Because I will make sure 2010 will be a good year.

"It's the heart afraid of breaking that never learns to dance. It's the dream afraid of waking that never takes the chance. It's the one who won't be taken who cannot seem to give, and the soul afraid of dyin' that never learns to live"

Really?

2010-07-29T02:18:00.002+02:00

There is something called fake hair. Can you believe it?? Amazing.

"To be yourself in a world that is trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment."

2010-07-28T18:26:00.002+02:00

I’m so proud over myself, I’m really writing this story! I have finished 10 pages now and I keep writing, and painting my world. Going to send it to Caroline soon so she can read it and tell me what she things, I trust her. A lot.

2010-07-28T05:16:00.001+02:00

Yep had a great day yesterday. Great great great great day.

''Only put off until tomorrow what you are willing to die having left undone"

2010-07-27T16:56:00.002+02:00

I should be the happiest person alive today, but I just feel strange. Have this knot in my stomach that won’t go away. Want to cry but I don’t know why. Well I kind of know but it’s just silly. You know I just need to do this. Because I will otherwise always look back and wonder what could have been. Ah I don’t know what to feel today. I just know I can do better, be better. And I’m not. And the only one to blame is me. I hate when you only can blame yourself. I know I can do better. I know I can be better. So I will make sure I do better. I’m talking to the women in the mirror I’m asking her to make a change.

And No Message Could Have

Been Any Clearer

If You Wanna Make The World

A Better Place

Take A Look At Yourself

And

Then Make A Change

"The first step to getting the things you want out of life is this: Decide what you want."

2010-07-26T06:13:00.002+02:00

Sometimes we fall down, can't get back up

We're hiding behind skin that's too tough

How come we don't say I love you enough

Till it's to late, it's not too late

Our hearts are hungry for a food that won't come

And we could make a feast from these crumbs

And we're all staring down the barrel of a gun

So if your life flashed before you,

What would you wish you would've done

We only got 86,400 seconds in a day

2010-07-25T05:56:00.000+02:00

My town is burning. Again. Upset. Mad.

"People living deeply have no fear of death." ~ Anais Ni

2010-07-23T17:10:00.001+02:00

Life is not a spark in space
An episode of will and grace
Controversial yet mundane
Deborah's messing with your brain
Even scientologists know there's more to all of this
Search the ruins for trapped doors, wonder what you're put here for
Simple as a hint of gas climbing nostrils as you pass
Making Harvard graduates feel childish when they laugh at it
Climb the rungs to kingdom come, sour patch to acid tongue
Are you opposed to having fun? you clench the world between your buns

Just be happy.

2010-07-23T04:03:00.002+02:00

Was just a little bit homesick. Fine now. Lying in our fort now. Love it. Kids love it. Good night. Good morning. Love you.

Let me go home

2010-07-21T03:33:00.010+02:00

45 days. Jag vill hem. Till Sverige, till min familj. Jag vill såklart tillbaka en dag. Till NYC på mina egna villkor, kanske bara besök, kanske praktik, kanske jobb, kanske skola, eller kanske inte alls. Jag älskar Manhattan och känner mig hemma där. Men det är inte där jag spenderar min tid. Jag spenderar min tid i Ronkonkoma som jag inte tycker om.

Missförstå mig rätt.

May be surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
I just wanna go home

fly.

2010-07-20T06:22:00.001+02:00

I'll spread my wings and

I'll learn how to fly

I'll do what it takes til' I touch the sky

And I'll make a wish

Take a chance

Make a change

And breakaway

Out of the darkness and into the sun

But I won't forget all the ones that I love

I'll take a risk

Take a chance

Make a change

And breakaway

"I am serious, so I laugh a lot. You need to laugh. You don't laugh enough. I don't trust anyone who doesn't laugh.”

2010-07-19T19:11:00.002+02:00

Just danced in the pouring rain. Had people laughing at me but I really don’t mind, people can laugh at me or laugh with me as long as they are laughing.

2010-07-19T04:50:00.003+02:00

Good night people. Or well... good morning Sweden. I'm going to bed now. Have everything ready for my walk tomorrow. Been so good now. Counting calories and all. (and sorry for the bad spelling, I'm dead tried, and really I cant even spell correct in Swedish)

Been writing all day my story is really taking its form and I’m proud over my world. And I’m writing it for myself, maybe one day I will send it to Caroline so she can read it and give me her honest thoughts. She is good that way.

Well good morning Sweden and good night New York. And I really have to fix my computer when I get back to Sweden.

"Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality.”

2010-07-18T15:47:00.000+02:00

I got this whole world in my head. Had it for several years, been writing down a few things about it and figuring out stories for that world. Yesterday a friend told me to write, to write my own world down, and that she thought it would be amazing. So I have spent hours writing this world down, everything about it. And I really don’t have any talent writing but I don’t care at all. Because this is my world, my story and my characters, and even if no one will ever read it I’m going to write it. Because I can.

Yes I'm 21. Not 16.

2010-07-17T07:47:00.001+02:00

not a big deal. not a big deal at all.

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH

OMGOMGOMGOMGFREAKINGHELL:WHAT??? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

Like I said.... not a big deal

Family Matters

2010-07-16T16:31:00.003+02:00

I love my new iPod. Today me and my iPod went for a long jog. Since I got here I lost almost 4 kilos. Long way to go but I’m on my way. I always loose weight here. You might think you would gain weight when you live with a family that owns a pizzeria. But no. I really don’t have a lot of the stress I got back in Sweden here. Well I do but it’s a different kind of stress. But I really do miss my family. Would they be here with me would everything be perfect. Really hope I can show them my New York one day. Everyone have there own view of New York. Some people fall for the magic some people just think New York is okay, nothing really special. And I really hope my family would fall for the magic and think New York is everything I think it is.

So this goes out to my family. I love you and miss you. You are the best family ever. And I'm blessed to have you in my life. And thanks.

"You are who you pretend to be, so be careful who you pretend to be." ~ Kurt Vonnegut

2010-07-14T06:02:00.002+02:00

"all that i'm after is a life full of laughter"

"Every new day is another chance to change your life."

2010-07-13T06:10:00.003+02:00

One day I'm going to call New York my home. The place I sleep and wake up in. Central Park is going to be the park I'm going to take my walk/jog in, and on sundays I'm just going to take a walk in my city, breath in the air and relax. I feel like I belong in New York, but New York got a way to do that to you.

Peace, love and New York

2010-07-12T14:32:00.001+02:00

I smile because you are my sister, I laugh because there is nothing you can do about it!

2010-07-12T06:10:00.003+02:00

My sister got hit by lightning today. Nervous but I’m sure she will be fine. I have faith. My sister has such bad luck. She always gets hurt. My sister is my best friend. She is the one that is always there for me when no one else is. She also is the one that truly knows me. Life without my sister is impossible. Even if I sometimes want to kill her, I would die for her.

Peace, love and sisterhood.

''Never regret something that once made you smile.'' ~ Amber Deckers

2010-07-11T18:28:00.006+02:00

It's the heart afraid of dying, that never learns to dance,It's the dream afraid of waking, that never takes the chance;

2010-07-08T05:26:00.003+02:00

And I don’t know why
I’m feeling so sad tonight
But every time I look back
I see all of them who succeed
And it’s not me

I’m running in circles
Feeling down
Feeling like I’m jumping from an airplane
Without a parachute

I’m still here
Going in circles
Standing here at the same gate as before
I’m dying to know what to
Because when I smile
I show the world that I’m not broken
I’m not broken
I’m not broken

I will do my best to succeed
That someone will be me
So take a good look world
This is me
This is me
This is me

scars are souveniers you never lose

2010-07-07T05:25:00.003+02:00

They can't break me

As long as I know who I am

They can't tell me who to be

Cause I'm not what they see

Yeah, the world is still sleepin while I keep on dreaming for me

And their words are just whispers and lies that

I'll never believe

I just want you to know who I am

2010-07-05T06:06:00.006+02:00

I'm so happy. Life is just ... great.

I'm that star up in the sky

I'm that mountain peak up high

Hey, I made it I'm the world's greatest

And I'm that little bit of hope

When my back's against the ropes

I can feel it

I'm the world's greatest

Peace, love and fireworks

Life’s like a novel with the end ripped out

2010-07-04T04:46:00.005+02:00

"There are hundreds of languages in the world, but a smile speaks them all.”

2010-07-02T15:04:00.002+02:00

Sometimes I find a picture of me that is real. Like this photo, my smile is real. I love those photos because often I find pictures that are fake, where I can see that the smile I give is not a real one. I love to smile, I really do. Because now I can finally do it again without being embarrassed by my braces. Smile is a good way of making you feel better and to make other people feel good.

So what’s the point of this? Really nothing. Just smile. And be happy. Life is more fun if you smile.

2010-07-01T04:05:00.002+02:00

Cut my finger today with a knife. Really bad. Fainted after seeing all the blood. Hurts like hell. But I will live. While feeling like crap and wishing I was dead A said "See if from the bright side, now you can flirt with the doctors just like you flirt with the fireman". It made me feel good. Really good. Even if they sometimes drives me crazy I love them and I know they love me.

"The present in New York is so powerful that the past is lost.”

2010-06-30T02:54:00.003+02:00

I love New York. Because New York got a way of making you feel like you belong, like its your home. Its a warm place. Sweden is cold. Both weather and people. And I dont like the cold. I like walking the streets of New York, walk past Times Squares, Empire State bulidning and read in Central Park. I love being in love with a city. Because New York is special and it will always be my first love.

"You can't change the past, but you can ruin the present by worrying about the future”

2010-06-26T04:17:00.002+02:00

I might just be crazy but sometimes I get this panicking feeling that time is running out. I’m that kind of person that starts crying in the middle of the night because I’m scared of the future and what it might bring. Will I be able live my dreams? Will everything be okay? And it’s so stupid because I know in my heart that all I really have is now. Tomorrow is tomorrow and I should not really worry about tomorrow until tomorrow is today. Went to an amazing psychic in NYC, she knew so much about me with only me telling her my name and birth date. She said that I was going to be married within five years, have at least five kids, travel a lot, own two houses and live in a other country then Sweden. But I’m going to come back on day. And she also told me to stop worrying about my family because they will be alright.

So even if this won’t happen, I will be fine I guess. I might not live all my dreams, I might not do everything I wish to do.

But we shall se what the future holds.

Peace

When I die, I'm not coming back until I can join Starfleet

2010-06-25T01:28:00.004+02:00

Nerd? What? Me? Naaah?

We all have dreams. But in order to make dreams come into reality, it takes an awful lot of determination, dedication, self-discipline, and effort.

2010-06-24T04:49:00.002+02:00

I'm a dreamer. Always have been. Always will be.

Nothing happens unless first we dream.

2010-06-19T04:44:00.002+02:00

Making your mark on the world is hard. If it were easy, everybody would do it. But it's not. It takes patience, it takes commitment, and it comes with plenty of failure along the way. The real test is not whether you avoid this failure, because you won't. it's whether you let it harden or shame you into inaction, or whether you learn from it; whether you choose to persevere.
- Barack Obama

How do people make it through life without a sister?

2010-06-17T05:52:00.004+02:00

"She is your mirror, shining back at you with a world of possibilities. She is your witness, who sees you at your worst and best, and loves you anyway. She is your partner in crime, your midnight companion, someone who knows when you are smiling, even in the dark. She is your teacher, your defense attorney, your personal press agent, even your shrink. Some days, she's the reason you wish you were an only child" ~Barbara Alpert
"

Life without my sister... would be no life at all.

Never make fun of the geeks, one day they will be your boss

2010-06-17T04:11:00.004+02:00

Love shopping in New York, got 4 t-shirts, 1 dress, memory card, underwear’s, 1 bag for under 50 dollars. Watching an Criminal Minds marathon and spending my time wanting the nerd.

You can see why right???

God, if I can’t have what I want, let me want what I have.

2010-06-15T16:17:00.002+02:00

Central Park

Its sunny in New York. Spending the day walking and going in the pool.
Need to by a memorycard for my camera forgot my small camera at home. It sucks. Forgot my memorycards. Forgot to bring a jacket. Forgot alot.

Talked to my mom and sister today and I feel so much better.
I really do.
Its just the summer.
Going to do my best with everything.
And then next summer I'm hopefully going to Africa with a friend to do a project.

Going in the pool now. My goal is to be black in the summer.
Really black.

Peace, love and whatever

Life isn’t worth living unless you’re willing to take some big chances and go for break

2010-06-15T05:22:00.002+02:00

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let us down, probably will. You'll have your heart broken and you'll break others' hearts. You'll fight with your best friend or maybe even fall in love with them, and you'll cry because time is flying by. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, forgive freely, and love like you've never been hurt. Life comes with no guarantees, no time outs, no second chances. you just have to live life to the fullest, tell someone what they mean to you and tell someone off, speak out, dance in the pouring rain, hold someone's hand, comfort a friend, fall asleep watching the sun come up, stay up late, be a flirt, and smile until your face hurts. Don't be afraid to take chances or fall in

love and most of all, live in the moment because every second you spend angry or upset is a second of happiness you can never get back.

''Your only obligation in any lifetime is to be true to yourself.'' ~ Richard Bach

2010-06-15T03:57:00.003+02:00

I'm stupid. Really really really really stupid. Last time. Never again. Never. Never. Never. Never.

2010-06-13T04:52:00.002+02:00

I'm here. And I'm fine. Flight was okey. Long. Tried. Bed. Goodnight (or goodmorning)

"Life is about making mistakes so you can learn from them and become a better person"

2010-06-10T16:02:00.002+02:00

2 days left in Sweden

new york new york new york

2010-06-10T01:11:00.002+02:00

I'm sick. Feel like crap. Really. Really. Great. Leaving Sweden this Saturday.

Meeting Oscar next next sunday. (20th)

Cant wait.

Tried
Good night.

2010-06-07T13:35:00.001+02:00

"I am the master of my fate; I am the captain of my soul." ~ William Ernest Henley

best birthday ever!

2010-06-06T15:37:00.006+02:00

4 in the morning.

The group outside the best bar in the world! (Josefin and Patric is missing from the photo)

On the train to Copenhagan!

Sister

Cheececake!!

Thanks for my birthday! Had the best one yet! 21 might not be so bad after all

2010-06-04T09:30:00.002+02:00

Life on the otherside is not so bad. I kinda like being 21.

usagainstheworld

2010-06-03T23:38:00.000+02:00

Love this pic of us

21,

2010-06-03T23:17:00.004+02:00

So soon I’m 21. Just about 30 minutes left. And I should not freak out. But I still do. I have so much I want to do and every year I’m one year older. But it’s going to be nice to be able to go out in New York. And I’m looking forward to the great day with my family and friends tomorrow.

For next year I have some goals:

Keep my weight loosing journey
Move to Växjö and get my own apartment
Doing a project in Africa with a friend
Starting the process to start a company with a classmate
See the bright side in everything
BE the best I can be

I'm really happy that I have got one more year. And this one is going to be a good one!

Peace

time of my life

2010-06-02T23:35:00.003+02:00

Best day ever, nice weather, cool people and just a lot of fun. Good day. Good day.

2010-06-02T10:36:00.004+02:00

I have been to pissed to write. I still am. Disappointed in Obama for being stupid.
Disappointed in UN. Really disappointed in UN. They have failed the people in Gaza, just like they failed Rwanda, Korea, Irak... the list goes on and on.

I'm just
disappointed
in every
leader
that have
done nothing

But I'm also so happy for how the worlds have gone together, to show their support for Gaza and the activists.

This got to stop.
Israels terror has to stop

Peace

2010-05-31T18:36:00.000+02:00

2010-05-30T15:14:00.004+02:00

I have two great passions in live, Human rights and acting. I love to act, I love to pretend to be someone I'm not and express the feelings those people have. The best parts to play are parts that are so far away from the person I’m. But I would never go after that passion, for a lot of reasons… the main reason is the uncertainty. Because I don’t want to spend my life chasing after a dream, I want to spend my life living a dream. So I’m instead going after my other passion, working for Human rights in the world. My hope is to work for the UN, but it’s a hard place to get in to. I will figure life out year by year, and right now I’m happy… and really that’s all that matters.

Peace

Tom Dice - Me and my guitar

2010-05-30T00:07:00.004+02:00

People always say
Tom, this has gone too far
But I'm not afraid to chase my dreams
Just me and my guitar

♥

And no one may ever know
The feelings inside my mind'
Cause all of the lines I ever write
Are running out of time

♥

So maybe I should get a nine to five
But I don't want to let it go, there's so much more to life

♥

Tell me that I've got it wrong
Tell me everything will be okay
Before I fall
Tell me they'll play my songs
Tell me they'll sing the words I say
When darkness falls
All of the stars will see
Just me and my guitar

♥

I'm sure that I'll find my way'
Cause I'm not afraid to try
Even a world of love and hope can't guarantee that price

♥

So maybe I should get a nine to five
But I don't want to let it go, there's so much more to life
Tell me that I've got it wrong
Tell me everything will be okay
Before I fall
Tell me they'll play my songs
Tell me they'll sing the words I say
When darkness falls
All of the stars will see
Just me and my guitar
Me and my guitar...

2010-05-29T20:03:00.002+02:00

The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one.

Elbert Hubbard

The best day of my life was when I got a private tour of the UN. It was also the day when I realised that my dream might be more then a dream. I can get a job at UN if I work for it. If I just believe in myself.

"I'm sure that I'll find my way, Cause I'm not afraid to try"

2010-05-29T11:40:00.003+02:00

"You never find yourself until you face the truth." ~ Pearl Bailey

2010-05-28T23:54:00.000+02:00

I don’t know when to shut up. I just don’t know when to stop. My friend once told me that I someday will piss off the wrong person and most likely end up dead. Well… I do care for my life so I would never take it that far… but I take it far enough. And sometimes I just get to mad, and mad at really silly things. Because people think it such a big deal that Sweden didn’t go to final in the Eurovision, and it’s all Christer Björkmans fault. But I remember that it was the Swedish people that voted for her in the first place.

Reading Human Rights is not always easy, I have lost faith in humankind while talking about Rwanda, war, death, UN that failed… And I follow a site called Human Right Watch that update news everyday about all the horrible problems in the world. And people care more about Eurovision then people getting tortured, raped and killed… I just don’t get it.

And I’m not saying that you have to think about it everyday… but some days I just get more mad and more upset over the lack of caring.

One world, one world, one world.

Peace

2010-05-25T17:37:00.003+02:00

I don’t know what’s wrong with me today. I just don’t feel good. I think it was after watching Special Victim unit. That show always mess with my feelings, just like Criminal Minds. Whenever it involves kids it leaves me feeling empty, and scared. And most of all mad, mad at the world, mad at pervs, mad at people who sits by and to nothing. In the future I hope I can work to make the world a better place, I hope I can help kids. I also hope that I will stop being so sensitive. Feeling like this after watching a TV-show, makes me realise that I might not be ready to work with this. Not ready to face reality just yet.

I will.

Why would you live somewhere you hated? Life's too short to settle for mediocrity.

2010-05-23T22:26:00.001+02:00

There is just one life for each of us: our own.
—Euripides

"Hope. Sometimes that's all you have when you have nothing. Have that you'll have everything."

2010-05-21T23:37:00.002+02:00

With my sister and best friend

I have never been alone, never. Even when I wanted to be alone, and the years I spent alone I never really was alone. Because I always had my family, and I always had friends that would be there for me if I wanted them to be. But for a few years I for some reason “wanted” to be alone. But I still remember the feeling and it’s a really bad feeling. But I always knew that people would be upset if I died and people would search for me if I went missing.

No one wants to be alone, and its breaks my heart that some people are truly alone. They don’t have a family and the friends they have might not be the best. I always hated seeing people sitting alone eating in school, and I wish I had chosen to sit beside them more. Because sometimes the most important thing is that they know someone cares.

So we should all be a little bit more understanding, and do our best to show the world that we do care.

Peace

2010-05-18T19:31:00.002+02:00

"My hope still is to leave the world a bit better for having been here." ~ Jim Henson

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.

2010-05-17T15:38:00.003+02:00

"Don't you understand I already have a plan

I'm waiting for my real life to begin"

I don’t want to say that I’m unhappy with my life, because that would imply that I’m not grateful. But a part of me is still waiting for my real life to begin. Because it’s crazy if this is my real life. When did my life become this lonely and boring? Since when is my life a routine? I feel trapped in this, I feel like there is no way out.

Any minute now, my ship is coming in

I’ll keep checking the horizon

And I'll check my machine, there's sure to be that call

It's gonna happen soon, soon, soon

It's just that times are lean

I want to do everything I dream of. I just don’t want to talk about it. I want people to say “Hey that girl did it! She believed in her dreams and she made it happen”, and not “Hey, that Tanja girl is a dreamer, but she never make her dreams happen”.

When I awoke today, suddenly nothing happened

But in my dreams, I slew the dragon

And down this beaten path, and up this cobbled lane

I'm walking in my old footsteps, once again

I want to be out enjoying life, live everyday like it’s the last, have fun with my friends, go out dancing, play theatre, write, take photographs and just love the things I do.

And you say, just be here now

Forget about the past, your mask is wearing thin

Let me throw one more dice

I know that I can win

I guess I’m just in a bad place right now. And I will get out of it. Like I always do, and do all of those things, because that’s the person I am. I survive, I fight and I’m going to make it all happen. Watch me.

Peace

Don't judge those who try and fail. Judge only those who fail to try

2010-05-16T16:11:00.002+02:00

It’s still okay for me to dream, because I’m only 20. People find it cute that I have big dreams, and big goals. But still it’s because I’m 20. It’s still okay for me to think that I can win a Oscar or be the general secretary of the UN, I can still think I can save the world and do amazing things. Because I’m only 20. But time is running out, and its time for me to wake up and live in the real world and to stop dreaming.

It comes a time when it’s not okay to dream big dreams, when it’s not cute anymore, when they start questing your dreams.

So I’m going to dream big now.

Pretend that I can be everything I want to be

And when the time comes to stop pretending

I will.

“Even though I'm just twentyI've still got some time to dream”

Peace

Just like a tattoo,just like a tattoo

2010-05-14T22:24:00.002+02:00

"Don't wanna be like all the others
That just ain't me
Do I really wanna end up living life just like you?
All I need is time to discover
Even though I'm just twenty
I've still got some time to dream"

Love Me, Hate Me, You, Can, Never, Break Me,

2010-05-14T11:10:00.003+02:00

The plan was me+my sister+denmark = the dance floor. But she got sick, a nasty cold. So the plan is now computer+school books = getting my essay done. Have a great friday.

Peace

Our lives are defined by opportunities, even the ones we miss

2010-05-13T23:42:00.004+02:00

"I find that’s one of the great things about acting—you have the opportunity to stand in somebody else’s shoes, whether it’s someone with mental health problems or someone who lives and works in a small town. Each character faces a dilemma in her life, and as an actor you’re able to step into that character’s skin, look through her eyes. You leave transformed, a different person, because once you live a little bit of someone’s life, it changes you" - Sally Field

"If we did all the things we are capable of, we would literally astound ourselves"

2010-05-13T20:13:00.004+02:00

I need to fix this. Before its to late.

bad things happens but it's how you deal with them that counts

2010-05-13T10:36:00.006+02:00

No one said this life was going to be a easy ride, for some its more hard then others. I don’t like complaining because I know how blessed I’m. But I still complain, because sometimes you have to. When I was 16 I meet a 19 year old girl, how been sold as a sex slave. She was tricked into coming to Sweden when she was just 14. Can you imagine? 14? But she was more full of live and more forgiving then anyone I ever meet. She believed in the beauty of live, and the kindness of people, in God, in love and that everything happens for a reason.

Meeting her made me realise one thing. She had been living in hell, but she still had more faith then us spoiled Swedish kids. (I’m not saying everyone but you see my point). We complain over school, over parents, over the most stupid things. And here is this girl how has all the right to complain and she don’t. She just smiles and lives.

I wonder where she is today, how she is, if she still smiles that bright smile and if she knows that she changed my life that day. And that I’m grateful that she told me her story, and that I think of her almost everyday.

I hope she found love.

Peace

Never mind searching for who you are. Search for the person you aspire to be.

2010-05-11T21:25:00.006+02:00

♥ ♥
All the world's a stage,

And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts;

♥ ♥

The greatest pleasure in life is in doing what people say you cannot do

2010-05-10T20:57:00.002+02:00

"You see, most of us who start a massive weight loss journey, or any major life changing jouney for that matter, are broken, half-dead people. Whether we’d like to admit it or not. We’re lost in our lives, and we’ve been conditioned to feel like failures, too afraid to lose or even too afraid to succeed. We don’t feel like we’re worth the effort, or deserve the effort it takes to acheive what we want. Even if we are worth it our goals seem so impossible. So, how do you give a person self value? How do you teach yourself that you are strong and do deserve to get what you want?"

Daniel Wright

Dance forever, forever on the dance floor

2010-05-09T09:48:00.004+02:00

I wanna go out dancing this weekend. Been so stressed the past weeks with school. So would be great to do something fun for once. I don't want Cougar Town to be the highlight of my week. Even if its a really great and funny show. But still. Its kinda pathetic that that what I look forward to all week.

Peace. ALMOST done with my exam. pwee.

Some people want it to happen, some wish it would happen, others make it happen

2010-05-08T12:27:00.003+02:00

I was a cool kid once. I said whatever was on my mind. If I thought somebody was an idiot I let them know. I never cried. Never. Even when I was that kid I knew what I wanted. I have always known. And that kid would have done the things she wanted without a second reflection.

But I’m not that kid anymore. I don’t tell people they are idiots even if they really are. I cry all the time. And I’m not as brave as that kid was, and that may be a good thing. You see. Life gets harder when you grow up, and I’m pretty sure that kid would scream at me for being a coward. And it might be true.

But still, once I was a cool kid.

"Nothing great in this world has been accomplished without passion" Georg Hege

Peace

"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams" Eleanor Roosevel

2010-05-06T21:45:00.001+02:00

This. Day. Can. Go. To. Hell.
Tomorrow. Can. Go. To. Hell.
This. Week. No. Comment.
Need. To. Sleep.

Winners in life aren't the ones who never fall. Winners are the ones who fall and always stand up

2010-05-04T18:39:00.001+02:00

Try Not, Do Or, Do Not

Learn from the great Yoda.

Peace

Try to Be like Mr. Spock, but your emotions in a box

2010-05-04T11:45:00.004+02:00

I miss New York. I miss the person I'm in New York. I miss the feeling of total happiness and the feeling of "I belong". New York is my place, don't get me wrong. I'm blessed that I was born in Sweden. I'm blessed for everything I have just because of that. But I don't belong in Sweden. Never have, never will.

Everybody got a place in this world, and I'm blessed to already know where I belong :)

Concrete jungle where dreams are made of,
There's nothing you can’t do,
Now you're in New York!!!
These streets will make you feel brand new,
the lights will inspire you,

Peace

Please dont stop the rain. Let it fall.

2010-05-02T18:49:00.005+02:00

"Follow your heart. Our brain always screws things up."

~ Chuck Bartowski

I miss my tan. It was a really nice tan. A lot of hours by the pool. A lot of hours at the beach. Hard work.

Today was a great day! Went with my sister and my dog to Malmö to meet up with the child I'm mentoring. I cant believe I only have 3 more weeks with her. This 9 months went by fast.

Our dog was tired on the way home.

Have to get back to my exam now. Just readning it over and over again. Want it to be good!

Peace

"Never let your memories be greater than your dreams.” – Doug Ivester

2010-05-01T17:27:00.000+02:00

Fly. Be. Free.

I'm finally at peace with my life. I have been for a while. And the best feeling is just to be happy for no special reason. Like today. Have a exam I'm doing and been working on it for hours. But I'm still happy. My sister have friends over and when I they laughs I laugh along with them. Just because life is good right now. We all need to find that peace in our life that makes it worth living. And understand that we have to first live for yourself then others.

"First keep the peace within yourself, then you can also bring peace to others."
Thomas Kempis

Peace

make a wish say a pray don't be scared to dream

2010-05-01T14:09:00.000+02:00

If you wanna be somebody

If you wanna go somewhere

You better wake up and pay attention

If we crawl, Till we can walk again, Then we'll run, Until we're strong enough to jump, Then we'll fly, Until there is no end

2010-05-01T13:48:00.000+02:00

7 weeks from now. I'm on the plan ready to leave Sweden and go back home♥

This summer is going to be the best ever.

Peace

Sometimes you cannot believe what you see, you have to believe what you feel

2010-05-01T00:09:00.004+02:00

When I spent the summer in New York 2008 a lot of things changed for me. I came back to Sweden a different person. For once I found faith in New York, as silly and stupid as it sounds.. I found God. And ever since I did it has been easier to breath, to handle success and to handle pain. What I also found was my place. My home.

I'm truly blessed that I was born in a great country. And I will always treasure Sweden. Sweden is just not my home. It might be where I come from, but its not where I belong. And I might not end up in New York ... and that will be okay. But I have a hard time seeing myself stay in Sweden.

Peace.

Sláinte 'gus saol leat

2010-04-30T12:01:00.000+02:00

The great Mr Spock

"I am an incurable romantic. I believe in hope, dreams and decency, love tenderness and kindness. I believe in mankind." Leonard Nimoy

Peace

Look what I can do with my feet

2010-04-30T09:51:00.000+02:00

Me and my not-puppy

Good morning. Or Good night. Its an understatement to say that I'm tired, but really I can only blame myself this time. Friday today. Wish I could say "thank God its Friday". But I still got an exam to do. Hope you all are good. Gonna take my walk now even if the weather is really bad.

Peace

You say it best when you say nothing at all

2010-04-30T03:04:00.000+02:00

So it took some time to get started with this blogg, longer then I thought it would. I'm back on track now, with pretty much everything in my life. I still have a lot to do and a lot of thinking to do. But somehow I think everything is going to be okay. I'm always okay. I just don't always see it.

"I'm going' all out!, I'm gonna live this dream,Gotta fire up all this passion, throwing' my whole heart in!" - Dan Evans

Good night. Need to sleep.

Peace

2010-04-05T23:30:00.000+02:00

In October I shut down my beloved blog, but after abusing my facebook and twitter the last few mouths I finally realized that I needed a new blog. I don't know what this blog will be about. I guess I will figure it out as time goes by.

Peace

/ Tanja