A sister by a chance a friend by a choice

I miss you, I miss your laugh, I miss fighting with you I miss smiling with you. I miss being up all night talking, I miss going on walks with you. I miss you being sarcastic and being mad at me. I miss talking about dreams with you and being mad at people together. You are the one I always can count on no matter what.

You are my best friend!

Yeah this is my life! and boy do I love it

Order of protection! I can’t help it; I just find this situation funny. Not funny like hahahahahaha, but funny like unreal. A lot can be said about me and my life; at least it’s not boring. I have plenty of drama in my life; someday I’m going to write a freaking book about everything that happened to me.

“Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do.”

I think it’s amazing that people have the nerve to complain about how you live your life. They have the nerve to tell you what to do and what not to do. News flash; I really don’t care. If I want to do something I will do it whatever people tell me. The only once I take advice from is the people I trust, and that’s very few people. Trust is an important thing to me and something you have to learn. People always tend to tell me there life story and everything about them, and it’s nice that they trust me and they want to talk to me. But I can’t do the same way back, because trust has to be earned. To trust an other human being is a big step, because you never know what might happen, or what they really think. So really only the one person you really can trust is yourself.

Nah, I’m just kidding with you (kind of), trust is a beautiful thing, and it’s being able to let someone know you and hope that they won’t break your heart, it’s telling someone your life story and know that they won’t judge you. To trusts them to catch you when you fall and be happy for you when everything is perfect.

There is a few people I trust with my life, I trust them not to shoot me down, not do abandoned me when I act like a five year old and I trust them to tell me when I’m being stupid.

When it comes to making decisions about my life; I talk to the people I trust and I listen to what they got to say, but in the end I make the decision. Even if it’s against everything they are telling me. We need to make our own mistakes, we need to chase dreams and live our life the way we want to. I can’t be someone else even if I try. And most of all I don’t want to be someone else.

Peace, love and trust

I always want other people’s adventures. Always. I try to think of ways I can do the same things, like being a “real” aupair for a year somewhere in the United States, I read this blogs about people that have this amazing adventures, go to school, find love and have the best year of there life. But… do I really want that? I just want the adventure. And then I read about someone going to Australia for one year to work and travel. Then I read about someone going to Africa to be a volunteer. And I want it all. I guess that normal. We always want more then we got.

I’m trying to get to a point here but I guess there is non. I just need to figure everything out. What I want and how to get it. What I need and why I need it. Life is really to short. And where ever I go; I'm always at the right place.

We live in a sick sick world.

Yesterday a drunk neighbour pointed a shot gun at me and G (he is seven). As soon as I saw the gun I took G by his hand and we ran. A called the police and because it’s a crime I had to go down with the police to give a statement to a detective. I had the best police officer ever; he waited for me to give my statement and then drove me home. I hate guns, I really, really hate guns. And have one pointed at you is the worst feeling ever. I’m not saying he would have fired it, but it’s not the point, he pointed it at a SEVEN year old. What sick fuck does something like that?

After I got home from the police station and I got to sit down and relax and think. I realised one thing; we really only have today. This scared the hell out of me for many reasons, but like I said it really made me think.

So now I have to go to court. Woho.

Peace, love and a world without guns.

The biggest adventure you can ever take is to live the life of your dreams. - Oprah

Siting outside of seven eleven monday night. the pizza guys was ready to kill me for walking late. overprotected. yep yep.

I been thinking, thinking and thinking. Believe me I have done a lot of thinking the past days… well really the past weeks. I have my future all planed out; I know what roads to take what program and University to go to and what kind of job I want.

But I don’t want it right now, I don’t feel read too start a program. I don’t feel ready to start working in three years. I want to be young, live in an other country for a while, and chase stupid dreams that will never come true. Go out and dance Friday nights, work random jobs, do volunteer work, write a book. Be young. Be 21.

And of course go back to school, when I’m still young. And I will still be done before I’m 27, with one master and two candidate degrees. That okay…I think. I just don’t know what road to take right now. Because how cliché it might sound I want to think back on my life with no regret. I want to think on my death bed; “I really did it all, I really lived my dreams”.

The heart got a mind of its own. It really dose.

And for future notice; listen to country music late at night is never a good idée. It makes you think.

Peace, love and the not knowing.

You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.

I'm just trying to write the story my life, You know all about this dream I gotta chase, I get a little closer everyday, and dont worry I will be okay, Sweden is not that far away

Människans bästa vän

Ain't gonna show no Weakness I'm gonna smile And tell the whole world I'm fine

I have been stupid. Easy way to put it I have been really stupid. I put myself in this mess and now I have to handle it. But I will be fine, I’m always fine. And I will live. I have learned from my mistakes and now I know I won’t be coming back ever again. It’s all just plain stupid. And I’m dead tired of it. Dead tried. 21 days left until I go home, and I can’t wait. I’m really exited to live with my dad, I’m exited to start dancing with my sister, and I’m exited to start school and to take acting classes. I’m going to make the best out of the 21 days I got left. And be happy.

And I have lost 6 kilos since I got here, when I got on the scale this morning I started to cry. I’m so proud over myself. So proud. Now I just have to keep it up. Be good. Because I like being active, I like walking every day I like eating well. I don’t even crave soda any more, I don’t crave candy, today Anna brought home doughnuts and I had none.

So I want to keep this going, but this fall I’m going to take 2 dance classes a week. Great right?

Peace, love and dance

The most prolific period of pessimism comes at twenty-one, or thereabouts, when the first attempt is made to translate dreams into reality.

I don’t feel good today. Not at all. My turn to get sick it hurts when I breathe. But of course I would get sick. I always get sick in New York. Been reading my old blog and picture diary and I try to remember who I was. Was that girl really me? It feels strange. Guess I will say that someday when I read this as well. I have changed; I’m not the girl I used to be. And it’s a great thing because that girl was really confused. I’m still confused but not in that way. I know who I am now. A lot of people have left my life that I thought would be there forever, but I gained friends along the way. Some I know will stay forever, and some I know will leave and it’s okay.

I’m sure I will get lost again, just wait until I’m back in school and back in the life of stress. This essay is going to kill me, but its okay. I will survive. I always do. But what I have now is myself, and a strength I never had before. I love myself and I accept myself, I know my strength and I know what I need to work on. I know I sometimes can be really immature, a bitch and just stupid. I know I want too much and I know that I need to start living in real life. I know that I change planes often, and I also know that I often during stressful times ignore my friends. Sometimes I let out to be a loner, but deep, deep inside all I want is to have friends around me. I know I can be a storyteller and when I tell a lie I feel ashamed. I also know that I take out my stress on my family, and they don’t deserve that.

But I also know I’m a good person, I’m a good friend that will always be there when they need me. I’m a good daughter even if I sometimes can be really hard to deal with. I know I’m a good sister, I know that I’m funny and that I make people laugh (even if they laugh at me). I know that I work hard to get where I am today, and I know that if I really try I can be the person I want to be.

There is so much more I know about me but really I want you guys to still like me. I’m going to work on all my bad sides, I work on it everyday. But the difference between now and then is that I accept myself even with them.

Peace and self loving (strange not-word)

When I say ‘em or do something I do it, I don’t give a damn, I’m not afraid to take a stand, Everybody come take my hand,

I want to do something. Something that might be stupid. Really stupid. But it’s for me. Only me. No one else. I really hope I’m brave enough to do this. Brave enough to take a big chance. To jump without a line. And really not care about failing. It’s not the goal that count they say. But for me the goal is everything. Everything. But if I don’t reach it I will be fine. Like I always am. Fine. Step one. Step two. Step three. Step four. Step five. Step six;

♥

One; Work hard

Two; Be the best

Three; Try

Four; Never give up

Five; Try again

Six; Be true to yourself

♥

Peace, love and steps.

if you had one shot, or one opportunity, To seize everything you ever wanted-One moment, Would you capture it or just let it slip?

It's been a long road,

To get from there to here.

It's been a long time, but my time is finally here.

And I can feel a change in the wind right now.

Nothing's in my way.

And they're not gonna hold me down no more.

No they're not gonna hold me down.

Cause I've got faith of the heart.

I'm going where my heart will take me.

I've got faith to believe.

I can do anything.

I've got strength of the soul.

And no one's going to bend or break me.

I can reach any star.

I've got faith, I've got faith,

Faith of the heart.

It's been a long night,

Trying to find my way.

Been thru the darkness,

Now I finally have my day.

And I will see my dream come alive at last.

I will touch the sky.

And they're not gonna hold me down no more.

No they're not gonna change my mind.

Cause I've got faith of the heart.

I'm going where my heart will take me.

I've got faith to believe. I can do anything.

I've got strength of the soul.

And no one's going to bend or break me.

I can reach any star.

I've got faith, Faith of the heart.

I know the wind's so cold,

I've seen the darkest days.

But now the winds I feel,

Are only winds of change.

I've been thru the fire,

And I've been thru the rain,

But I'll be fine.

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it

+

GREAT CAST!!!!

I love sarcastic people, people that think they are all that, people have no fear, that don’t play by the rules and of course don’t care what other people say. Maybe not in real life they would annoy me, but in movies they are the best. That’s why I love the new Kirk so much (and it helps that he is Chris Pine and hot as h***) cuz he is all that.

My character in my “whatever it is”; is like that as well, and I love her. I totally love her. Wish I was more like that, but I’m not really sarcastic, I have fear, I mostly play by the rules, and sometimes (not often) I do care about what people say about me. So maybe just maybe my character is a reflection of who I wish I was sometimes.

That’s also the character I would like to play one day. Just be fearless. Would be so great. Hey J.J. Abrams, if you got a role for me in the new movie, I would be MORE then happy to accept. I’m a nerd, I know how to act and I would get along great with Zachary, Chris, Zoe (we would go shopping together!!!) and Karl. And me and Anton would be the best of friends! I promise you. And really Nimoy would just love me to death. So please cast me! See you soon!

Love Tanja